I love having fun. I love going out and having a good time. I like to be the fun girl. The girl who gets everyone around them to take shots. The girl who is goofy af and can’t stop laughing. I have absolutely ZERO social anxiety.

However, LA has been a tough place to make friends. I moved here January 2020 right before the pandemic. I was isolated in my apartment essentially until June 2021. My new roommate, who also moved into my apartment June 2021, became my instant best friend. Man, I loved that girl. Fire sign. Energetic. Matched my fun energy. We were an amazing duo. However, we were NOT meant to live together. That was the demise to our friendship but that’s a story for another day.

Though my roommate became my best friend, I couldn’t rely on one friendship. I thought, “the best way for me to make friends was through work since I spend the most time there.” But, I tended to job hop between January 2021 till December 2022. I went through EIGHT jobs. EIGHT. And that’s not including the independent contract work I did as well. I usually ended up having at most one friend from each job. A group? That only happened twice.

The first group I had was at The Waffle in August 2021. I was introduced to WeHo nightlife through working there. We would go to Fiesta Cantina almost every Wednesday night for karaoke. I had so much fun. But, things got fucked up.

I dated the Sous Chef. She was dope af. Talented chef. Very down to earth. Artsy. Attractive. She ended up flirting with me one day. And, I responded. Our first date is still the best date I had in LA till this day. We instantly hit it off. We ended up spending almost everyday together. I was definitely a bit clingy in my opinion. She never said that though. However, I know myself. I was deprived from romantic connection and social interaction for almost 2 years. I should have dated around.

After I ended the dating relationship, I found out she had a girlfriend on the other side of the country during the same time. I was suspicious the whole time. I NEVER check phones. NEVER. I don’t like to invade one’s privacy but I will glance from time to time if I see you on it. I always noticed the same contact popping up. I would ask about it. She told me it was her “stud best friend.” And, I left it alone. Until I saw her social media after we stopped dating and thought to myself, “she moved on TOO quickly. Something ain’t right.”

I contacted the girl to get answers. I know, I’m bold af lol but it was honestly because she visited me at my new job a couple weeks ago and was FLIRTING. The conversation with the girlfriend was super friendly. We ended up comparing stories, things the chef said and it matched up. Confronted her at the apartment. Then, I was done with her. I cried for one day and moved on. Blocked. Thank you, next!

But, I ended up telling a couple coworkers.

It was simply to tell them not to invite me and her to the same location. They were super understanding and empathetic. However, I left the job. They ended up inviting her and leaving me alone. I understand it. I left. Did it hurt? Yes, but it is what it is.

Fast forward to May 2022, I got hired at TGS. I was so excited. I actually heard about this company and their sister location in Atlanta. Bartending at a black owned networking company? Sign me tf up.

Since we were all new to the company, we became instant friends. Hanging out after work. Getting drinks. Flirting. It was a lot of fun, until it wasn’t. Drama. Loss of income. Managerial immaturity.

In October 2022, I definitely had an alcohol abuse problem due to personal shit going on in my life. I drank to escape my own thoughts. I came back on my break tipsy af off fireball and got into it with the kitchen. I told someone working expo, “You know, I’m not that invested in this job or the drama. I do my job and I go home. I have other things outside work that I went to give more of my attention to.” Paraphrasing, of course.

The lead line cook heard what I said and responded, “Yeah I could tell you’re not that invested in this job Kosi. The way you handle food. I still love you but I’m offended. This is my career.” What? For one, I’m not even talking to you. For two, you think my career is to be a professional server? LOL we have two completely different roles in this building. I spent my Nordstrom money to pay for my own English degree. I moved to Los Angeles, left my loved ones behind to become a writer but got hit with bills, bills, bills. Also, it wasn’t the first time she got rude with me. Oh, I went off.

I started crying. I was yelling. I took all the frustration I’ve been feeling with that company out. It was unprofessional for me to act the way I did. No excuses. However, I’m human. It’s only so many buttons you can push. And after the argument, I left.

I emailed HR, because I felt like that argument wasn’t necessary at all. This wasn’t the first time me and that particular cook went at it. I wanted to come to a respectful resolution and didn’t feel as though that could be handled between the two of us at this point. When HR called me, I was honest. Maybe, too honest? Nah. Well, I’m not sure. I said, “you know honestly we both were drinking. I was tipsy. She was tipsy. And I don’t think this would’ve escalated if we weren’t drinking.” I said, “TGS has a drinking problem. Me included. It’s causing a lot of divisiveness and toxicity within the work environment. Women are getting sexually harassed. People are uncomfortable. The food’s coming out late. And maybe, we just need to regroup and resolve problems before they escalate like this one.” “Do you have a witness to sexual harassment,” she asked. “Yes, I think this woman would come forward because she wanted to fix the problem.” Little did I know, the woman I mentioned hated me. She talked so much shit about me and I wasn’t even aware of it.

What came out of this situation, I’m a snitch. Kosi is a snitch. She’s snitching. She’s snitching on all of us. She blowing shit up. She saying this. She saying that. She saying people are smoking………HUH???

Bro WHAT?! I told on MYSELF LMAO. I was honest. I was vulnerable. I was real.

But you know, imma let y’all have this. Imma quit. I’m not even making that much money here. Deuces.

Oh then when I quit: You just blew up all this shit for NOTHING! BRO I CANNOT WIN LMAO. I quit so no one would make it a big deal anymore. And now, I’m still wrong. WTF.

I even had to drop my “work bestie” from that place back in January because all he does is put me down, lie, and gaslight tf outta me when he doesn’t like my actions then say he’s being a good friend. A “good friend” doesn’t do nice things then follow up with long, attacking and shaming texts. A “good friend” doesn’t need to constantly say they are a “good friend.” I remember after I filed the police report, I went straight to his apartment. I just needed someone to share the devastation with. Was it a mistake to go to a mutual friend, maybe? But I’ll never forget what he said, “thank you for trusting me with this information. I’m proud of you. You’re doing something even I couldn’t do.” But once he saw the perpetuator’s reaction and my reaction to wanting to support us both, here comes the long shaming texts again. I even tried to make amends in March when I heard his sob story, gave him money because he was struggling and wanted nothing in return. I was actually ready to end the friendship bc it was triggering for me but gave space for healing and a possible re-connection. That all went out the window when he read my sexual assault blog this month. Oh he attacked me and lied behind my back to others. All because he didn’t like how he was presented even though my intention was to never present him in a bad light. Just tell my truth. I’m not perfect but I wouldn’t even think to say those things he said to me. I feel very betrayed. He went from “work bestie” to “Judas.”

Needless to say, I’m scarred. I learned from that situation: If you have a problem with the way things are going, partner up. Don’t be the only one reporting to HR or management. Thats what I do at my new job and it WORKS. I also learned, your coworkers are NOT your friends. No matter how much they see you struggle and cry. No matter how many laughs you share. These people are NOT your friends. I don’t trust anyone.

I’ve been at my current job for 5 months now. Nobody barely knows anything about me. I confide in 2 people because I had too. I’m going thru a sexual assault case, and I had to confide because I was calling out too much. I was also stepping off the floor due to panic attacks and throwing up and needed someone to cover for me. But does anyone else know, no. They know I’m sad most days. They know I’m going through a lot. But do they know, I’m dying inside. No. I want to keep it that way.

I finally started to get a drink with my coworkers this month after work. I ended up opening up to one more coworker when he opened up to me about shit he’s going thru. He said, “when you were calling out, I would say things like: Kosi’s a hard worker. I’m not worried about her.” He didn’t even know he was saving my job. He was just compassionate and kind. God bless him. Maybe, I’ll be less scarred. But until then, remember to be guarded. Remember it takes YEARS to trust people. Remember, your coworkers are not your friends until your friend is not your coworker.